The Gratitude Practice for People Who Hate Gratitude Practices
We're living in tumultuous, uncertain times. Between political developments, global tensions, economic upheaval, and the lingering effects of collective trauma, it can feel tone-deaf to talk about gratitude.
When I introduce reverse gratitude to my clients, I often get pushback. "Are you trying to get me to put a happy face on a terrible situation?" they ask. "Should I pretend everything is fine when it's clearly not?"
No. That's not what this is about at all.
Every experience we encounter – good or bad – can easily be bypassed. We're experts at pushing through, moving on, staying busy. But what if we stopped? What if we gave the same thoughtful attention to our struggles as we do to our successes?
Reverse gratitude isn't about forced positivity. It's about pausing long enough to feel our feelings fully, and then asking: "What opportunity is this presenting?"
Here's a personal example: I grew up here, but coming back post-divorce wasn't exactly in my life plan. When I found myself back in suburban Boston, part of me felt like I was moving backwards. The funny part is, through this unexpected chapter, I've discovered a relationship with hiking and the outdoors that I never had growing up here. For someone who never saw herself as a suburban mom, these trails and views have become my sanctuary and an essential part of my weekly rhythm.
Here’s how the practice works:
Every morning, take a few minutes to write down 10 things you're grateful for - or not so grateful for. I do it on my notes app on my phone. You can keep it private or share with someone else. Author Melody Beattie writes that doing this for 40 consecutive days brings miracles. I'll be honest - I've started this practice many times (and made it pretty far) but haven't yet made it to 40 consecutive days. Apparently consistency is key. So the Monday after Thanksgiving, I'm starting again. Because let's face it - we could all use some miracles right now.
This isn't spiritual bypassing or toxic positivity. It's about developing a more nuanced relationship with difficulty. Because here's the truth: we can acknowledge that something is painful AND recognize how it might be serving our growth.
In these uncertain times, we don't need more pressure to "think positive." We need practices that help us engage with reality as it is – both the light and the shadow. That's where true resilience comes from.
Sometimes the most powerful opportunities come disguised as problems. We just have to be willing to look.
Happy Thanksgiving to one and all.
Want to experiment with reverse gratitude? Starting Monday, I'll be sending out one simple prompt each week. Just reply 'I'm in' to join me in this practice. No pressure, no public sharing required - just a chance to try something new as we close out 2024.