Getting To Know Your "Window of Tolerance"
The Key To Leading Through Chronic Stress
For many leaders I support, every day is a test of endurance and adaptability. Some days, decisions flow effortlessly, focus is sharp. Other days, even simple tasks overwhelm, leaving them disconnected, just going through the motions.
This isn't about good or bad days—it's about coping with the overwhelming stress of an ever-changing world of work. Eliminating stress may not be an option, but understanding your optimal "window of tolerance" can help you thrive.
What is the Window of Tolerance?
Developed by psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, the "window of tolerance" is the zone of arousal where we effectively manage stress and perform our best. In this zone, leaders think strategically, communicate clearly, and make confident decisions.
Think of your window of tolerance as a space where you are centered and balanced. When this window is wide, you navigate challenges with ease, maintain your composure. You take a creative approach rather than a reactive one.
However, when confronted with overwhelming stress, adversity, or trauma, your window narrows. The pressures intensify, and maintaining your balance becomes more difficult. You may feel like you're teetering on the edge, struggling to stay centered, which can leave you feeling unsafe and overtaxed.
Ignoring stress signs and pushing too long compromises leadership, manifesting in two states:
Hyper-arousal: Constant gear-switching. Back-to-back meetings, skipped meals, endless decisions—no time for strategic thought or pause.
Hypo-arousal: Quiet quitting. Withdrawing, shutting down, going through motions without engagement or care for outcomes.
Why Your Window of Tolerance Matters
Navigating within this window is the difference between resilient, visionary leadership and struggling to meet demands. Recognizing when you're pushed into hyper-arousal or slipping into hypo-arousal empowers you to regain control and lead intentionally.
Navigating Your Window of Tolerance
I guide leaders through three crucial steps:
Identify Signs: What physical, mental, emotional cues signal you're inside or outside your window?
Understand Triggers: What pushes you beyond your tolerance window?
Develop Recovery Strategies: What practices help you return to and expand your window over time?
Expanding Your Window of Tolerance
Specific practices broaden leaders' stress management capacity. Here are three approaches I incorporate into my work with clients.
Mindful Self-Compassion: This framework, developed by Dr. Kristin Neff is about acknowledging our common humanity, recognizing that imperfection and struggle are part of the shared human experience. Regular self-compassion practice can be a powerful tool for navigating stress and expanding our window of tolerance.
Purpose and Values: This strategy involves reconnecting with core purpose and values, grounding decision-making. I use the SHIFT assessment to help leaders gain clarity on their core values and purpose. SHIFT stands for Security, Horizon, Impact, Fluidity, and Ties—the five dimensions that shape our motivations toward work today. By aligning our actions and decisions with these deep drivers, we can tap into resilience and clarity, even in the face of chaos.
Strategic Communication: This involves developing strategies for managing complex relationships, navigating organizational politics, and communicating in a way that fosters understanding and collaboration. By honing emotional intelligence and curbing reactivity, leaders can create a supportive network and a culture of psychological safety, which are essential for thriving in high-stress environments.
Self-regulation is integral for managing our window of tolerance critical to the above approaches. When we experience hyper-arousal, techniques like releasing anger, breathing exercises, meditation, and yoga can help soothe us. When we're in hypo-arousal, activating our senses, grounding exercises, physical activity, challenging negative thoughts, and writing can help energize us.
Elevate Your Leadership
Leaders operating within their tolerance window report greater resilience, less reactivity, more strategic decisions. They foster environments of openness and adaptability.
Your Leadership Journey
Leading in today's world requires deep self-understanding—your triggers, your optimal functioning zone. Identifying and operating within your tolerance window cultivates the resilience and adaptability to lead through any challenge.
This journey of self-discovery and growth takes courage, curiosity, and a willingness to step outside what’s comfortable. But the rewards are real. Leading from authenticity and resilience creates a ripple effect touching every aspect of your work and organization.
Ask yourself the tough questions. Explore your edges. Commit to practices that expand your window.
It's worth it. You're worth it. Your leadership is worth it.
This is getting to the heart of what "leadership" is. I think many of us have a worn-out old fashioned picture in our head when we hear the word "Leader." We think about things like top-down, control, and prestige. But actually, leaders invite in. Leaders allow others to see the way forward (or in, or up). In my mind, the only thing distinguishing a true leader from the rest of the pack is that that when things get hard, scary, weird, or even exciting, fruitful - they are present. They can identify what is actually happening and they can work with it. Through their actions they demonstrate what it means to engage even without knowing answers, without knowing if it is "right." None of this is easy to do. When it is done well, it looks simple- it is invisible, actually. But the leader knows the work that goes into being present, and those around the leader know the feeling of being empowered to enter.