Why Even Your Best Leadership Skills Are Failing You Right Now
Why Even Your Best Leadership Skills Are Failing You Right Now
– And What's Missing
"I used to be good at handling team tensions. Now every little comment sets me off."
I've heard versions of this from three different leaders this week. Different industries, similar story: Smart, seasoned leaders who usually navigate complex team dynamics with skill suddenly feeling like they've lost their touch.
Here's what's really happening: You can't access your best tools when your nervous system is activated.
Take PIN - a powerful framework for navigating workplace conflict:
Position: What you're saying
Interest: What you're wanting
Need: What's actually driving you
Super useful tool. It provides a method for helping us to understand how to correct misunderstandings by getting to the deeper issues that drive arguments and conflict. The trick is, when you're stressed, you can't:
Listen deeply
Get curious
Name needs clearly
That’s why no conflict resolution tool, no matter how brilliant, works without regulation first.
What this looks like in practice:
When Dysregulated: A leader sees a critical comment in Slack about their project timeline.
Position: "This timeline isn't up for debate"
Interest: [Can't access it]
Need: [Can't access it] Result: Conflict escalates, team disengages
When Regulated: Same leader, same comment, but after a regulation practice:
Position: "I hear concerns about the timeline"
Interest: "I want to ensure we deliver quality work"
Need: "I need to feel confident we can meet our commitments" Result: Opens dialogue, surfaces real issues, enables solutions
The difference isn't knowledge or skill. It's regulation.
The Bottom Line:
Right now, most leaders aren't even thinking about conflict resolution tools. They're just trying to get through their days. That's perfectly normal - it's what happens when our nervous systems are overwhelmed.
But here's the thing: You can't solve what you can't see. Understanding that it's your nervous system (not your competence) that's offline right now is the first step toward getting your capabilities back. And remember - it's not just you. Your team's nervous systems are struggling too.
This is why I start my work with leaders by focusing on Security. As one client recently shared:
"I began working with Rachael knowing that I wanted to start with fierce self-compassion and move outward from there. I recognized that if I didn't start with having my own back, I couldn't put myself out there to inspire, connect and lead from an authentic place."
Together, we build the competencies needed to stay regulated, create psychological safety, and lead effectively through chronic stress.
Want to learn more about Security and how it enables everything the four other domains that are critical to our rapidly changing workplace? Read more here.